Dear Sean T-
I have a few suggestions for you and your workout routines. You can take them or leave them, but if you ask me, I think these suggestions will really help to bring your workouts to a legendary status quite like Jane Fonda reached.
1. Before the workout starts don't look at the camera and tell your devout watchers that you're scared for what is to come in any particular workout. I was already scared enough today. Today was called "Pure Cardio" and as if that wasn't intimidating enough, you had the audacity to state that you were scared for what was to come. I almost quit right then and there. No, really loyal blog readers, I did. That simple statement almost broke me.
2. Quit telling me to dig deeper. It doesn't motivate me, it makes me want to punch you in the face for not coming up with a better slogan. Next time, consult a marketing firm. Or shit, better yet, walk into a college marketing class, there's tons of young whipper snappers out there just gnawing at the bit for a chance to come up with the "next big thing".
3. If you ever tell me again that, "That shit was bananas" I will personally hunt you down and do something horrible to you, like give you a titty twister, or make you repeatedly bang your funny bone on something hard, or even heaven forbid make you eat something fattening.
4. Quit walking around yelling at the students in the class to push it harder, and dig deeper. Bitch- they're still working out, while you're slowly meandering around the room critiquing them. I've made the decision that every time you quit to "motivate" and "critique" your students, I'm going to do the same for Caitlyn and Taylor (Y'all better get ready).
So Sean T. Those are my suggestions, I hope take them into consideration.
Gofckyourself.Ihopeyoustepinaholeandtwistanankle,
Emily
PS- Today was day 5. 55 more to go.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Day 4- Is it normal for your legs to tremble while you drive?
This is the question I was asking myself as I ran an errand after Insanity today. Today was our "Recovery" day. Again, silly me, I thought, "Recovery day, this should be easy and I can totally rock this shit." I especially thought this after reading a blog that proclaimed "No Cardio on Recovery day!" I was encouraged, I was pumped, I was downright perky when I met my fellow insane asylum mates today.
And then I was crushed. I watched all my hopes and dreams of an easy workout fizzle in front of me as my fellow crazies and I struggled with all of the yoga-like poses and balance/core/evil I don't know what to call them exercises that about damn near killed us.
Taylor, or Evil Overlord as I now refer to him, swears this will make us feel better. I had serious doubts about that as I was driving my car and my leg was literally trembling every time I pushed the accelerator. I mentioned this to Caitlyn and told her that "I'd say my legs are tired" and she responded with, "I almost fell walking down the stairs. I'd say I agree."
Tomorrow is something else that involves cardio and right now I'm wishing I had spent my afternoon huffing and puffing instead of downward dogging. I feel about 99% certain that tomorrow I'll feel differently.
But right now, I am 100% certain of one thing- Margaritas make everything better.
And then I was crushed. I watched all my hopes and dreams of an easy workout fizzle in front of me as my fellow crazies and I struggled with all of the yoga-like poses and balance/core/evil I don't know what to call them exercises that about damn near killed us.
Taylor, or Evil Overlord as I now refer to him, swears this will make us feel better. I had serious doubts about that as I was driving my car and my leg was literally trembling every time I pushed the accelerator. I mentioned this to Caitlyn and told her that "I'd say my legs are tired" and she responded with, "I almost fell walking down the stairs. I'd say I agree."
Tomorrow is something else that involves cardio and right now I'm wishing I had spent my afternoon huffing and puffing instead of downward dogging. I feel about 99% certain that tomorrow I'll feel differently.
But right now, I am 100% certain of one thing- Margaritas make everything better.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
We've entered the 3rd Circle of hell
Or the 3rd day of Insanity. One or the other. Ironically, the 3rd circle of Hell in Dante's Inferno, is "Gluttony". I should probably draw a connection between these two, but instead I'll continue to sit on my sofa and eat the tiny bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs I treated myself with.
Today, as I said was the 3rd day of Insanity. And though I explained it yesterday, many people still had questions about "What the Hell IS Insanity". Insanity is a 60 day workout program, it's almost all cardio, and the workouts are so Insane, if you will, that you are frequently encouraged to stop, take a breath, and get some water. You're not supposed to diet with this, instead you're supposed to up your meal count to 5 small meals a day, all packed with protein. The 5 meals a day thing is because your metabolism is (supposedly) kicked into high gear from these RE-DONKulous workouts. Bottom line- The workouts suck. The "warm-up" today was around 10 minutes. 10 minutes of power jacks, mountain climbers, power squats, and all sorts of other torturous activities that are even more horrible than they sound.
When the actual workout started, I still can't get over the fact that the warm up isn't it, it got worse. I keep thinking, "Hey, maybe this will be the day you can actually do these workouts." I keep being wrong. We did all sorts of evil push-ups. I can't even do ONE push-up let alone, some fancy new take on a push-up.
This is the point in most people's blogs where they say, "I thought I couldn't do it, but I COULD! I did it!" Yep, no, didn't happen. Still can't do a push up. I alternated between girl push-ups, and just sitting there holding my body up, and occasionally laying on the ground. Okay, so a little more than occasionally laying on the ground.- This is where I'll throw a fellow Insanity friend under the bus and say Caitlyn has about as much upper body strength as me. She looked like she also wanted to die during this part of the day. It makes me feel better to see friends suffer along with me, evil, but true.
BUT, even though I laid on the ground, and whined, and wanted to die, at least I gave it my best and did something instead of napping in my big comfy bed while watching Friends! I just CAN'T WAIT for tomorrow!! And that's because tomorrow is one day closer to my day off. Caitlyn said her thighs hurt, my knees hurt, and I can't remember where Taylor hurts, but everyone should safely assume it's somewhere in his whole body region.
And tonight I'll leave you with some pictures of how we look after a workout. And incase you were wondering the answer is "SEXAY"!!
Say some prayers that we can all move tomorrow, we might need it.
Today, as I said was the 3rd day of Insanity. And though I explained it yesterday, many people still had questions about "What the Hell IS Insanity". Insanity is a 60 day workout program, it's almost all cardio, and the workouts are so Insane, if you will, that you are frequently encouraged to stop, take a breath, and get some water. You're not supposed to diet with this, instead you're supposed to up your meal count to 5 small meals a day, all packed with protein. The 5 meals a day thing is because your metabolism is (supposedly) kicked into high gear from these RE-DONKulous workouts. Bottom line- The workouts suck. The "warm-up" today was around 10 minutes. 10 minutes of power jacks, mountain climbers, power squats, and all sorts of other torturous activities that are even more horrible than they sound.
When the actual workout started, I still can't get over the fact that the warm up isn't it, it got worse. I keep thinking, "Hey, maybe this will be the day you can actually do these workouts." I keep being wrong. We did all sorts of evil push-ups. I can't even do ONE push-up let alone, some fancy new take on a push-up.
This is the point in most people's blogs where they say, "I thought I couldn't do it, but I COULD! I did it!" Yep, no, didn't happen. Still can't do a push up. I alternated between girl push-ups, and just sitting there holding my body up, and occasionally laying on the ground. Okay, so a little more than occasionally laying on the ground.- This is where I'll throw a fellow Insanity friend under the bus and say Caitlyn has about as much upper body strength as me. She looked like she also wanted to die during this part of the day. It makes me feel better to see friends suffer along with me, evil, but true.
BUT, even though I laid on the ground, and whined, and wanted to die, at least I gave it my best and did something instead of napping in my big comfy bed while watching Friends! I just CAN'T WAIT for tomorrow!! And that's because tomorrow is one day closer to my day off. Caitlyn said her thighs hurt, my knees hurt, and I can't remember where Taylor hurts, but everyone should safely assume it's somewhere in his whole body region.
And tonight I'll leave you with some pictures of how we look after a workout. And incase you were wondering the answer is "SEXAY"!!
Say some prayers that we can all move tomorrow, we might need it.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Insanity- Yes I am Insane
Why hello blog, I've missed you. I'm re-entering the blog world with a challenge for myself. My challenge involves two parts- working out and blogging about it. But this won't be your normal, "I feel so great about myself, I am so happy I am doing this" type of blogging. No, No, this will be the cold hard truth. And the truth is Insanity SUCKS.
What is Insanity? THIS is insanity Damn you Sean T. Insanity, for those of you who don't want to click my little link I gave you, is a 60 day workout program that is basically so intense that it's insane.
Now WHY, WHY you ask, WHY THE HELL am I doing this?
It's all his fault. Meet Taylor, our evil overlord for the duration of this crazy journey. Taylor is an amazing, passionate person. He is a lover, not a fighter, and has quickly become one of my favorites in the short time I have known him. Taylor is an active, fit, athletic guy, and he manages to make me look horrible while we try to kick Insanity's ass each day. Taylor innocently asked me one day if I would like to participate in this journey, and for a brief moment in time, I lost my senses and said yes. So, Taylor, being the persistent little booger that he is, is holding me to my "yes". He is dragging Caitlyn and Me every day to kill ourselves while we do this crazy thing called "Insanity".
Speaking of Caitlyn....
Meet Caitlyn, our resident "baby", and self proclaimed "I've never worked out in my life" chica. Caitlyn danced for approximately 15 years (I think, I hope I listened right) and has every bit of grace of a dancer, but like me lacks the desire to run miles and miles a day. We thought we'd do Insanity for fun, little did we know it is NOT ANY FUN.
Today is day 2. And as I sit on my sofa and type this, the following areas of my body hurt- Shoulders, legs, knees, shins, ankles, and my abs. And no this isn't a "Oh I feel so good my body hurts from working out" kind of pain. This is a plain and simple, "My feet are cold but I know it will hurt to move when I reach for my slippers so I'm just going to be cold" kind of pain.
I know what all of you are thinking, "Emily, why the hell are you doing it if you are going to complain so much?" The truth is, I do want to feel better. I want my clothes to fit better, and to be able to go upstairs without getting winded. I want to be one of those people who LOVES to exercise. Though I strongly doubt that last one will happen, I want the rest of the things to happen.
ALSO- I want abs like hers...
Okay, I know, my abs won't look like that, but a girl can dream right? Okay so, two days down folks. 58 to go. We did the fit test on day one (yesterday), and the first day of some evil Cardio thing today. I'll keep you all updated with our progress and the evilness of it all. Right now, the warm up gets me winded, so hopefully, I will progress and maybe not be winded by the warm up by day...20. See, setting goals already. GO ME.
Okay so! Wish us luck! Check back in. You can follow Taylor on Twitter at @TaylorAndrewsAU and Caitlyn at @CaitlynCarter. We all bitch equally about this hellacious journey we're going on, so it will be fun to see what we have to say. AND if all of this pays off, and we have sexy steel like abs, I might even let y'all see the before and after photos.... but just maybe.
Oh and last but not least, thank you to everyone who on Day 2 has already told us Congrats and that you are proud of us! There's lots of you out there and we need all the encouragement we can get. So keep "liking" those Facebook statuses, and keep the "You go Girls!" coming, because we need it!
What is Insanity? THIS is insanity Damn you Sean T. Insanity, for those of you who don't want to click my little link I gave you, is a 60 day workout program that is basically so intense that it's insane.
Now WHY, WHY you ask, WHY THE HELL am I doing this?
Speaking of Caitlyn....
Meet Caitlyn, our resident "baby", and self proclaimed "I've never worked out in my life" chica. Caitlyn danced for approximately 15 years (I think, I hope I listened right) and has every bit of grace of a dancer, but like me lacks the desire to run miles and miles a day. We thought we'd do Insanity for fun, little did we know it is NOT ANY FUN.
Today is day 2. And as I sit on my sofa and type this, the following areas of my body hurt- Shoulders, legs, knees, shins, ankles, and my abs. And no this isn't a "Oh I feel so good my body hurts from working out" kind of pain. This is a plain and simple, "My feet are cold but I know it will hurt to move when I reach for my slippers so I'm just going to be cold" kind of pain.
I know what all of you are thinking, "Emily, why the hell are you doing it if you are going to complain so much?" The truth is, I do want to feel better. I want my clothes to fit better, and to be able to go upstairs without getting winded. I want to be one of those people who LOVES to exercise. Though I strongly doubt that last one will happen, I want the rest of the things to happen.
ALSO- I want abs like hers...
Okay, I know, my abs won't look like that, but a girl can dream right? Okay so, two days down folks. 58 to go. We did the fit test on day one (yesterday), and the first day of some evil Cardio thing today. I'll keep you all updated with our progress and the evilness of it all. Right now, the warm up gets me winded, so hopefully, I will progress and maybe not be winded by the warm up by day...20. See, setting goals already. GO ME.
Okay so! Wish us luck! Check back in. You can follow Taylor on Twitter at @TaylorAndrewsAU and Caitlyn at @CaitlynCarter. We all bitch equally about this hellacious journey we're going on, so it will be fun to see what we have to say. AND if all of this pays off, and we have sexy steel like abs, I might even let y'all see the before and after photos.... but just maybe.
Oh and last but not least, thank you to everyone who on Day 2 has already told us Congrats and that you are proud of us! There's lots of you out there and we need all the encouragement we can get. So keep "liking" those Facebook statuses, and keep the "You go Girls!" coming, because we need it!
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